Common Ground

In all relationships, there comes a time when love feels indifferent. Stress of daily experiences and human interaction feels overwhelming. Getting along, feeling the love, and being intimate with our partners feels like another lifetime. The good thing is that going back to common ground reminds you of the time when things were different. Common ground takes you to that moment when every second apart feels like an eternity. Find common ground and you will find your way back home to a place of love, trust, safety, respect, and intimacy. 

Instructions: Think back to when your relationship first started. Remind yourself of how you felt and the things you wanted to do to please your partner. Remind yourself of the many ways your partner made you smile and feel loved. Hold those moments of happiness in your mind for a moment and allow yourself to feel those emotions, feelings, and impulses again. 

Step 1: Answer the questions below to create a road map back to happiness and develop an action plan that brings joy back into your relationship. 

What did you feel for your partner when your relationship started? 

What thoughts came to mind when you thought about your partner? 

What did you want from your partner? 

In what ways did you enjoy your partner pleasing you? 

In what ways did you enjoy pleasing your partner? 

Step 2: Make a list of the emotions, thoughts, and behaviors that made you feel loved, respected, and wanted from the answers above. Use this information to explore what you need to feel loved and share these answers with your partner. 

Step 3: Ask yourself what was more important at this moment in your lives-your faith or values. 

Step 4: Write a short letter, email, or text message to your partner expressing what you miss about how things used to be. Be vulnerable and remind your partner of the values you shared. Tell your partner how his/her intelligence, strength, and warmth made you feel. Let your partner know that you want to feel this way again because this is your ‘common ground’ upon which you fell in love. 

Step 5: Talk with your partner (in-person if possible) and discuss how you can plan time together, events, trips, or special nights alone that honors your common ground. 

Make it simple and keep it balanced! 

● Reflect 

● Write it down 

● Take accountability 

● Express yourself to your partner 

● Plan it out