Does your Husband want penetrative sex?
Ok, there’s no lions or tigers here (unless you like role play, of course), but there is a strap-on in this week’s secret audience question:
Hey Mike,
My best friend’s husband wants penetrative anal sex (he wants her to use a strap-on!) Should she be questioning his sexuality? Does this mean he’s gay?
Signed,
Bestie with a questie.
Dear Bestie with a questie,
This is a great question, and one our experts really enjoyed receiving. (Get it? *Ba bum tsss*)
The short answer is: Absolutely not!
Identifying as gay is not about a particular sexual act. People of various sexual orientations and genders enjoy anal sex.
What you're describing is what we in the sexology field call pegging.
The prostate is a “g-spot” for men, and it’s located about two inches (depending on your age and your anatomy) inside the anus. Pegging is one way to stimulate this area.
It may also give her husband a feeling of submission and can give your friend a feeling of dominance (if that dynamic brings them both pleasure). It may also make them feel like they're doing something “forbidden," which can be a very sexy feeling for some couples. Many men have described it as allowing themselves to feel vulnerable with their partners and get past the shame of seeking sexual pleasure in this way as well.
Feeling Seen Pro Tip: If you’re going to try this at home, remember it’s less about thrusting than enjoying the sensations. It’s not the time to be quick or rough.
The bottom line:
Everyone has an ass, so everyone can enjoy ass play. If she’s comfortable with testing out this new adventure, just tell her to lube him up (with a good silicone lubricant–Click here for one we recommend), and have a good time!
If she’s not quite ready to move forward or needs more information, we recommend the book Anal Sex Basics: The Beginner’s Guide to Maximizing Anal Pleasure for Every Body by Carlyle Jansen.
(And please tell your bestie to write and let us know how it goes! We’d love to hear about her experience with pegging. I bet the rest of the Feeling Seen Fam would too!)
Until next week…
