High Sex Drive + Your Self Worth
Evening Fam,
We're loving the variety of questions coming in from our community. It really goes to show how unique we all are as individuals, and this week's secret sex question is no different!
Dear Mike,
I'd love to see more discussions for couples where the female has a higher sex drive. It's been really hard on my self worth and causes me to question trust since typically men are the ones with such a high sex drive. It's hard for me to even discuss it with friends.
Sincerely,
Sexed-up in Chicago
Dear Sexed-up in Chicago,
We can really feel a sense of despair in your words here. Being anything or anyone who doesn't fit into a standard mainstream definition of anything is a recipe for sadness.
We see you.
And, you're right: society has tended to view women with a high sex drive negatively, promoting the belief that women are not as interested in sex as men...or worse, shouldn't be!
(Damn, we hate "shoulds" around here...because "shoulds" lead directly to shame!)
More importantly, shoulds aren't true.
The good news: Recent research has started to challenge the stereotype and idea that men think more about sex simply because they have higher testosterone levels or get turned on more quickly. There is also an evolving understanding of sexuality, gender, and desire, where the concept of "sex drive" no longer fits into a "male" or "female" heteronormative paradigm.
We love this for you…and for everyone.
Here’s the deal:
Women (or anybody) with a high sex drive should embrace their desires, not run from them. Even when not actively engaging in partnered sex, your higher sex-drive will most likely keep you in closer touch (*buzz buzz*) with your body, helping you better communicate what you want in the bedroom when that door safely opens.
Better yet, reflecting on your own desires helps you stay present and actually enjoy sex when its occurring. We often find that women who have higher sex drives are also more flexible and experimental (did someone say handcuffs?), and they consider sex an important part of a relationship.
And, by our calculations, that's something almost everyone can agree is true.
But let's talk about that self-worth for a hot sec, shall we?
Here's our Feeling Seen Top 5 Tips to improve your self-worth when it comes to embracing your sex-drive and shooting down that stigma:
Journal it out. The majority of our suffering comes from the stories we tell ourselves. Write down some of the messages you’ve internalized, like: “women shouldn’t like sex.” Then ask yourself where that story first came from for you. Who told it to you first? Then, dig deeper and ask yourself whether there is a part of you that may still believe it’s true. That’s the part of you who needs to be met here.
Find community. Challenge yourself to have more provocative, exciting conversations with your friends. You may be surprised to learn that your friends think some of the same things you do and could use a safe space to talk about it as well. Surround yourself with open-minded, sex-positive people who will not judge you. Start a erotica book club, join a wellness retreat, carry a sign that says, "Horny and happy!” Or just go out for lunch and chat. Your call.
Get outside the box. Challenge yourself to date outside your regular circle. Stir things up. Get outside of your comfort zone and see if you can find fresh, new mindsets that are willing to embrace your drive and your desires!
Dig into history. This may not sound as exciting as handcuffing yourself to a bedpost, but believe us when we say that knowing why and how certain stigmas were first created (through puritanical culture or religion, for example) can help us understand that it's not our desires that are wrong, it's the stories we've been told.
Keep talking it out. Often, we judge ourselves more than anyone else does! Connect with a sex coach, life coach, or therapist and dig in on some things holding you back from true self-acceptance if you can't get past these feelings of low self-worth. No friend of ours should ever feel that way.
We hope this helps keep you feeling seen and sexed up and turns that frown into a great, big orgasmic smile…
Mike and The Feeling Seen Team
Note: This content is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We cannot respond to personal requests for advice over the internet.
