Teenagers, Sex Talks, and Sex Shops
*Revealed!* Teenagers, Sex Talks, and Sex Shops.
Evenin’ Fam,
The question we decided to bring you today is short and sweet, but it had us all excited behind the scenes sharing thoughts and ideas. We knew if we were this excited, you would be, too!
We know the topic of sex education for young people can be controversial. But, we like our advice to get straight to the point like a vibrator-grab on your lunch break, so here goes:
Hey Mike,
Should you take your teen to a sex shop to promote sex-positive attitudes and learning?
Sincerely,
Anonymous Mama
Dear Anonymous Mama,
Thank you for this question. Though it makes us want to scream (not in a good way) that sex education is still so taboo, we appreciate getting a small glimpse into your challenges as a parent here.
It may be short, but this question highlights the very real problem parents face when figuring out what to share with their children about sex, how much to share, and how to balance the need to keep them safe and healthy with the eagerness to prepare them for the enormous decisions they have ahead of them--decisions that require them to understand their bodies and desires in a way that feels empowering and not oppressive.
That's a tricky balance to strike as a parent, and we hope this is helpful advice for you:
First, let's break down the term "sex-positive" for the fam:
Sex positivity is not a behavior. It is an attitude. A sex-positive mindset embraces and celebrates consensual sexual expression in all forms, recognizing that sex is a natural and healthy part of life for those who choose to engage. People who embrace sex positivity believe that creating safe, non-judgemental spaces to explore ideas about sex and sexuality affirms our confidence, comfort, and connection in all areas of our life—in and out of the bedroom—whether or not we are actively engaging in sexual acts. In fact, choosing how to engage (which may mean choosing not to engage in certain situations) is a central goal of sex positivity because it means we feel empowered to make our own decisions about who, what, where, and when. Choice is the foundation.
So, with that definition in mind, the answer to your question is a resounding "YES, AND…"
YES…We want teens to explore spaces that support healthy sexual expression and education if they choose to and when you feel confident that they are mature enough to make that choice.
AND…We want you to make those decisions with them based on fully understanding your teen and what questions they need answering. Those answers may not exist in a sex shop, but you can’t know that until you know them.
The first step:
If you haven't done so, we recommend you schedule a parent-teen session with a sex coach, sexologist, or sex therapist first. That way, both of you have the vocabulary and concepts needed to understand and communicate what you see in the shop. You may discover that your teen has accessed other learning environments or stores and may be looking for more information about a particular topic or item. Young people often have more to say than we think they do. Listening to your teen's questions and collaborating with their pediatrician, gynecologist, or family doctor to provide thoughtful answers (provided these professionals also follow a sex-positive mindset) will make your child feel more seen.
The next step:
Once you feel confident that your teen feels safe to ask questions and has the right team to support them with finding answers, there is no reason a sex shop would harm their exploration. Instead, it would be just another stop on their journey to safe, informed sexual well-being. In other words, positive sexual experiences.
Feeling Seen Pro Tip:
Build a sex-positive healthcare team for your teen as early as possible.
The bottom line:
Sex shops are just shops. We don't need to be afraid of them.
Like any other consumer experience, knowing what you're looking for or, at the very least, why you're looking for it is the first step to a positive in-store experience for everyone involved. So, start talking, Mama, and let us know how it goes!
(P.S. Can you pick us up some lube while you're there? We ran out on our lunch break.)
Until next week, we hope that keeps you feeling more than just seen.
