How to liven up that libido!
*Revealed* How to liven up that libido!
Evening fam,
We have a two-part question from one of our members today. We thought about separating this into two newsletters and then decided…Nah! Human beings are dynamic, complex, and contradictory, so why would our sex lives be any different?
So, we're gonna go deep and long for you today. Happy reading...and happy whatever happens after ;-)
Hey Mike,
I have times of high libido and times of low libido. How can I build the confidence to ask for things I want to try in the bedroom?
Sincerely,
Double Your Fun.
Dear Double Your Fun,
We love this question, and we love you for asking it.
First, let's talk about that confusing libido for a minute. It's normal for a libido (your overall sexual drive or desire for sexual activity) not to be the same every day or consistently match up to your partner.
You're two different people (or three or four--no one here is judging). And life happens. Bodies change daily. From time to time, our libidos may be affected by hormone and stress levels, medications, and even relationship dynamics. No one wants to have sex with someone who loads the dishwasher incorrectly…am I right? ;-)
The point is that there are a million reasons why libidos shift, change, or pass out in a cozy chair and don't wake up for months.
But, if you feel like your libido has hit the snooze button for too long and its sleepiness has become a barrier to finding pleasure in or out of the bedroom, it's time to talk to your doctor to ensure everything is working as it should. Your doctor can also refer you to a sex therapist or mental health provider to assess issues like anxiety, depression, trauma, or infidelity to see if other factors may be toying with your desire.
With medical issues ruled out, it’s time to shake that sleepy libido awake. Click [here] to access our 5-step process to Liven Your Libido.
With medical issues ruled out, here are some ways to shake that sleepy libido awake on your own using our Feeling Seen Top 5 Tips to Liven Your Libido!
Now…
Once the issue of desire is addressed, we can talk about the other part of your question…
Building the confidence to ask for things you want to try (*cue sexy Tiger rawr*)
Here is what the team recommends:
Start with our Self Discovery Worksheet, so you know exactly what you’re asking for. This comprehensive list of questions covers sexual language, boundaries, and actions. It makes it much easier to ask for what you want when you don’t know what the heck it’s called.
Use hand guidance or vocal cues (*insert tiger noises*) during sexual encounters. Laying still and silent and wishing someone would do something else (or go somewhere else) does not make a great experience for either of you. No one needs you to be a trained porn actor, but if something feels good, say it. Then close your eyes and roll with whatever comes off the tongue.
Take orgasm off the table. If someone is willing to test out new actions in bed with you, they may not get it right the first time. (Who does?) Experimenting with new things in bed is just that–an experiment. And experiments sometimes take trial, error, and time. Be patient and change the goalpost (or tie yourself to it…it might be fun!)
We hope that answers your dynamic question, Tiger.
Until next week, we hope that keeps you feeling more than just seen.
